Well, golly. Prince Harry has realized that “Royalty” is not fair. It looks like all that money invested in an Eton College education really paid off! As an American, I don’t really care much about the inner functioning of the Royal Family or the complex rules of succession. But I know the basics. The King (or Queen) rules the Royals, and the Royals sit atop a plethora of lesser aristocrats. There is one and only one ruler at a time. If there is more than one contender at a time, well… civil war will follow. Not that there’s all that much that is civil today, those are the rules. And William was first born, so the succession was set 2 years before Harry was born. Whining about being the understudy for the crown, 40 years later, isn’t exactly the quality that defines a Royal Ruler.
Of course, if we want to be even clearer. Harry is NOT the “spare”. Well, not anymore. When Price William and Princess Kate had little Prince George, Harry lost the title of spare. It is unclear which of William’s two other children (Charlotte and Louis) would succeed William if Prince George died or refused to take the throne. That makes Harry the backup, to the backup, to the understudy, to the spare. Harry… get over yourself.
Is it unfair to choose the King based on something as arbitrary as birth order, rather than competency, experience, or personal accomplishment? Yes, it is. It absolutely is unfair. But not as unfair as the idea that only a very few members of a very few families can even be considered for Kingship. Harry may be a mere 4th place in succession (and he could fall further), but he has ignored his enormous good fortune in being a Royal at all.
He was given the most elite education at the most famous schools and brought up rubbing elbows with the most powerful politicians and entrepreneurs in the world. Even his personal future, more than $50 million, is completely a result of his accident of birth. Shouldn’t Harry’s story be a happy tale of wealth and fame, a beautiful wife, and 2 healthy children? Most non-celebrities would die to be chased by a horde of Paparazzi. Yes, the press can be unkind. But make up your mind Harry. Is your complaint that the world pays an annoyingly large amount of attention to you, or that the world doesn’t pay enough attention?
Alternatively, Harry might have written a book that focuses on his father’s stunningly long wait to be King. Yet, his father’s 74-year wait to be King has never been a PUBLIC complaint. At no time did little Prince Charlie ever go to his mummy and say, “Can’t I PLEASE execute Prince Andrew? PLEASE!!! He’s such a dummy, and everyone hates him. Can I at least lock him in a tower mummy dear?” That shows the restraint of the old monarchy. But Charles persevered. He waited, and waited, for his mom to die so that he could take over. Charles waited through two centuries, without writing a book about how unfair it was. Restraint, Respect, ROYALTY.
However, if Harry is so bent out of shape because his life is slightly less perfect than he imagined, there is a traditional solution. Raise an army and take the throne! Unfortunately, the UK seems content with a future King Andrew. What to do, what to do?
I have it! Andrew can travel the world to find followers with a spiritual connection to back his ambitions. I know the place! Brooklyn. Yes, if Harry wants to whine and complain, Brooklyn is where his message will resonate. If complaining was a religion, then the Neck Beards of Brooklyn would be his warrior monks. If, you know, they don’t have to wake up too early, and the weather is good, and breakfast comes with a proper french roast coffee. By the sacred beard of Harry, Millennials will forever enshrine the right to blame their families for everything that went wrong in life. Prince Harry, Duke of Whining on Sussex, Earl of Winge, and Master of the Gripe. Harry is the leader the Millennials need, and deserve.
Millennials would gladly unite under Harry’s Royal banner of, “Est Non-Aequum” (It’s Not Fair). The Internet battles will be spectacular, and who cares more about winning an Internet flame war than a Millennial? Harry may never sit on the throne of England, but his followers can make him the King of the Internet. Or not. Whatevs.
What do you think? Have you ever wanted to overthrow your brother so that you could get the better Castle? Not too many, eh? Well, whatever your opinion… tell us what you think!