Once again, Trump has overstepped the powers of the Presidency and crushed yet another cherished American icon. He and Elon Musk are now pinching pennies in the Federal Budget. And yes, the penny finally dropped in Washington as President Trump ordered the Treasury to stop minting pennies. Coin collectors across the world are reeling from the devastation, as a rumor is circulating that Trump will pass an executive order to enshrine his new motto: “A nickel for your thoughts… cause there ain’t no pennies!” Representatives of the states of Abraham Lincoln and Benjamin Franklin have pledged legal action against the President due to damaging the value of these estates through direct and continuing devaluation of their Intellectual Property (i.e. “A penny saved is a penny earned”).
But all kidding aside, this has been a long time coming. Let’s face it: pennies cost more than a penny to make. About 3.7 cents per penny, to be exact. And what’s the return on that investment? Mostly pennies languish at the bottom of couch cushions, collecting dust in jars, or are abandoned in “take a penny, leave a penny” trays at gas stations.
Americans don’t really value pennies. When was the last time someone stop to pick up a penny off the ground? Not unless they’re already bending down to tie their shoe. And Europeans? They look at our $0.99 pricing system like we’ve lost our minds. Australia, Canada, New Zealand, and Swedenhave moved on from this tiny, near-worthless scrap of metal—why can’t we?
Getting rid of pennies makes sense, but why stop there? Let’s take a hard look at our whole system. If we ditched sales tax in favor of a VAT (value-added tax), we could say goodbye to a lot of awkward pocket change. A $1.00 item would actually cost $1.00. Imagine a world where your total at checkout doesn’t come with a surprise ending!
Or maybe we should go full 21st century and just move to a digital currency system. Today, over 80% of transactions are cashless. The government spends over a billion dollars a year to produce all our coins and paper money—why not issue every American with a federal credit card instead? Or an app on phones. Let’s ditch the Federal Mint and call it… MINT Mobile? Hmmm… we might need to buy that name. Look, no matter what we do conspiracy theorists will start screaming about government tracking, but let’s be honest—your phone already knows where you are, what you had for lunch, and your mother’s birthday.
And there’s another bonus: getting rid of cash might make life harder for criminals. The underground economy thrives on untraceable bills, so eliminating cash could deal a real blow to illicit activities. The downside is that the next time you try to slip your kid a five-dollar bill for mowing the lawn, you might have to Venmo them instead.
I say let’s do it! Get rid of the penny and save the country $85 million a year. Maybe we could use the extra cash to patch a few potholes or, I don’t know, fund a national coin collector therapy program? What do you think—are you ready to bid farewell to Lincoln’s tiniest tribute, or will you be hoarding pennies like they’re going out of style? (Spoiler: You will.)
So, what does everyone else think? We really want to know!